The Queensboro Bridge

How to Help the Newly Unemployed (NU)

2009-03-11T16:49:00.002-04:00

In light of the current economic times, and in finding myself a new .00000000001 in the unemployment percentage, I have some observations that might be helpful to those of you who are thankfully, and blessedly, still employed, in dealing with that friend, loved one, neighbor or acquaintance who has suddenly found themselves sans job.

Some DOs and DON'Ts:

1. DO, upon hearing that your friend has joined the ranks of the NU: BE OUTRAGED for them. Tell them that you can't believe a company would be so STUPID as to let go of such a valuable employee - what are they NUTS? Did they use any criteria or JUDGMENT when they made that boneheaded call? Obviously your friend is TOO GOOD FOR THAT PLACE and the company's imminent doom is apparent if they can't make decisions any better than that. Hell, your friend is lucky s/he GOT OUT NOW, even if it wasn't by their own choosing. So long and good riddance, idiot company! Onwards and upwards. You can probably go too far with this, so be succinct with it, but let your friend know that they are valuable and anyone who doesn't think so SUCKS.

2. DON'T, upon hearing that your friend has joined the ranks of the NU: be casual about it. This is NOT the time for platitudes. "Oh, I'm sure something better will come along." "Enjoy the vacation!" "Ugh, I hate my job, I wish they would fire ME." "Gee, that sucks. But hey, I sent you a link to this comedy website - maybe it'll cheer you up!" - these kind of responses are sure to make the NU feel like you completely don't grasp the gravity of the situation, or that you just don't give a damn. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, or if you think being light-hearted about it is the way to go - ignoring the ugly fact that the NU has LOST THEIR JOB, and at this moment doesn't know when or how to get another one, is ignoring the reality of the situation. Ignoring the reality of the situation is what got the country into this economic mess; therefore, it's not a recommended strategery.

3. DO offer any helpful assistance you can to the NU. Listen to what the NU's concerns are, and if you have any leads - offer them! Got a lead on a job in their field - pass it on! Have a friend who's a great networker - introduce them to the NU. Know of a great sale, cheap rent on a good place, someone who might want to buy something the NU might need to sell - hook a friend up, G! Offer to babysit for free while the NU is on a job interview, or drive them to the interview... Anything you can do will be greatly appreciated and could be more instrumental in helping the NU than you even think.

4. DON'T add to the NU's money or life worries by ratcheting up the panic/victimization factor. "OMG! How will you SURVIVE?!?!" for example, is NOT helpful. Nor is, "How long will your health insurance benefits last - can you get COBRA?" Also, the NU doesn't want to hear tales of woe about your other NU friends, or worse yet your Long-Term Unemployed friends. The NU is going to have to figure the life/money/work situation out for themselves - they don't need their friends and/or family panicking FOR them. No one wants to think that their friends think they're headed for tent city, even if they are.

5. DON'T pity the NU. For example, if the NU posts something like, oh, I don't know "Jentutsy is feeling a little unmovtivated today..." The correct comment to this is "Me, too." Or "Take the Day off!" not "OMG, I hope you start feeling better soon, I mean, I know you will EVENTUALLY, but this is just so sad, and I just feel so bad for you..." This will ENSURE the NU stays unmotivated. Humor, goodwill and honest positivity (i.e. NO platitudes, see above) go a long way. Even if we are NU, we are struggling to put things in perspective and prioritize. We're realizing that we have people who love us, and our health (hopefully) and that things could be worse - we could be dead, or be that poor lady that got attacked by the chimp. And that makes us feel grateful for what we DO have. So don't take that away from the NU by pitying them. (Oh, and one other note, while it's ok for the NU to realize that they're lucky to not be the poor lady who got attacked by the chimp, it's not ok for YOU to point that out. That makes you smug.)

The biggest thing you can do for the NU is to be a resource. Someone who listens, and when they can, facilitates some help in whatever small way they can. The biggest thing we can do in these hard times, is help take care of each other.

Dear ABC News: We're Mad, and We Aren't Gonna Take it Anymore!

2008-04-17T10:35:00.004-04:00

Unbelievably bad. Transparently biased. Tabloid journalism. Disgusting. Immediately blasted by other media outlets as hack journalism. Pompous. Fox News-worthy. Worst of all - irrelevant. In an election cycle in which the Democratic race is so hotly contested, and in a cycle when the electorate is facing war, recession, a mortgage crisis, healthcare failure, immigration woes, Executive Branch authorized torture, skyrocketing college tuition, the Katrina aftermath, infrastructure failures, manufacturing jobs being shipped overseas, and a slew of other issues that negatively affect the lives of the American people, your moderators (one of whom would have been disqualified for the job by most other news agencies due to his obvious conflict of interest) chose to turn their 2 hours of national exposure into a circus of "gotcha" attacks mostly leveled at Senator Obama. How stupid do you think the American public is? Charlie Gibson, who I used to respect before last night's shameful performance, was forced to twice proclaim "The crowd is turning on me," while on air last night, responding to the unrest in the audience at the National Constitution Center. Multiply that response by the millions of viewers watching at home, and I think you'll have an accurate view of how this right-wing framed smear of a "debate" went over last night. Charles Gibson and George Stephanopoulos owe the American people an apology.

Is ABC proud of the level of questions asked by these moderators last night? Questioning someone's apparel - wearing a $1 flag lapel pin (probably made in China) - is the new standard of how we should judge whether a person is fit for the office of President of the United States? And Mr. Gibson's justification of the question: citing that "it's all over the internet"? That's what passes for rigorous vetting by the press these days? Or how about, "Does your pastor love America as much as you do?" First of all, how can anyone know the heart of another person, and secondly, who cares? Rev. Wright isn't running for Office... After that risible question, I half expected Mr. Stephanopoulos to ask Senator Obama if his dad was stronger than Rev. Wright's father. And I have news for both Mr. Stephanopoulos and his collaborator on the question about Mr. Ayers - Sean Hannity (do you have Mr. Hannity on your payroll since he's doing your journalist's job for him?), the 60's are over. No one is concerned about Senator Obama knowing a former member of The Weather Underground whose illegal activities occurred when Senator Obama was 8 years old. One half of the debate you televised last night was absolute rubbish. Completely uninformative. The second half was only marginally better. I promise you that the American public at large is much more concerned about the real economic issues they face, than they are about Charles Gibson's personal worries about his own capital gains taxes...

Your news department perpetrated a fraud on the American people last night. I find it interesting that NBC News fired Maria Shriver due to just a perception of a conflict of interest, while your agency chose to allow a former employee of one of the two remaining Democratic candidates in the race for the White House to moderate the debate last night. Thank goodness for the advent of Netflix and the expansion of the cable market. There is a plethora of quality news and entertainment programming being broadcast and distributed in this country - and I will be watching that instead of ABC from now on. And I'm letting your advertisers know.

It's Race! It's Gender! Or is it Generational?

2008-03-15T14:24:00.004-04:00

A friend just sent me a "Sorry to see Barack imploding" email. Is this a bad news cycle for Barack Obama, you bet it is. Is it an implosion? Well, no. Explosion of the media, yes. But on a deeper level, we all have seen the battle lines being drawn in this country over race, even within the Democratic Party. Why? Is the generational gap just as big of a player in all of this?

Barack Obama has been talking about the racial divide in white and black American activism since he wrote "Dreams from My Father" in 1995. He addressed it, along with Rev. Wright in "The Audacity of Hope" in 2006. This video of the right Rev. Wright and the text of his sermons came up in Iowa just before the caucus. The campaign dealt with it in Iowa just as it has been this week - talking about the generational divide in politics amongst African Americans, and explaining his place and position in a church that has an amazing community outreach. And Iowans got it. And voted overwhelmingly for Barack Obama. Of course, news shows on FOX weren't fanning the flames and ringing the "unpatriotic" bell over and over again, so sane dialogue on the matter could be had.

I truly wonder if we as Americans are proving ourselves to be not ready for a black President. Every slur that's been aimed at Barack has had a racial underpinning. "He's a Muslim!" - he's not, but in having to defend against that, we've proven Americans as a whole are not tolerant of Muslims and don't trust one in public office. "His middle name is Hussein. Osama rhymes with Obama!" - again, see above about US attitudes toward Muslims. "He doesn't wear a US flag lapel pin!" - neither does McCain and about 1/2 the other people in public office, but no one ever brought that up about them before, so why just Barack? "He doesn't say the Pledge!" - also a lie. Again, questioning his "patriotism" which in turn points back to the "Muslim" rumors, which again, is racist. "His wife isn't proud of America!" - i.e. she's an angry black woman! And now, "His pastor/mentor is anti-American!" - which is basically using the "patriotism" meme to cry reverse racism. It's all racism in some degree or another. I'm sure if Barack were white and going to a fundamentalist Christian Church where his pastor preached about blowing up abortion clinics and killing abortion doctors, no one would care about that.

The fact is, there are a LOT of angry black men and women out there from a previous generation who until this moment, were watching their dream of equality wane as the years of their lives waned. If you remember, at the outset of this race, 50% of African Americans were pro-Hillary. Largely the older generation. Because they didn't dare let themselves believe that a black man could win. It would be too much of a heartbreak if he didn't and they'd pinned their hopes on a great hope one more time. Many spoke of him being assassinated and didn't want to contribute to that. It was the younger generation (aided by Bill Clinton's boneheaded remarks in NH and SC) and the win in Iowa that got them hoping again, and switching their votes from Hillary to Barack. But Barack is, and represents, the next generation - one that is tired of just playing the blame game and wants to turn the page and gain more power through more unified means. Could he have done that if people like Rev. Wright hadn't spoken out and stood up and been counted? NO. Does that mean that Barack must automatically believe that the ways of the last generation must be the ways of his? NO.

I think there is a similar divide in the feminist movement in this election, too. We are seeing a LOT of angry white women in this election. I got screamed at by a group of middle aged women leafleting for Hillary while I was walking my dog and wearing an "Obama '08" pin. I was called a "Self-hater," and a "Gender Traitor." I have felt since the beginning of this election that the far more important issues in this campaign were to remove a DLC powered candidate, who in my opinion represents the worst of feminism - victimization, coat-tail riding on her husband, letting unscrupulous men (Penn, Wolfson) set her campaign's agenda and tone, and using male behavioral patterns to try and justify herself as a woman who can lead (i.e. voting for the AUMF as a blatant political act to make herself look more hawkish and "tough on terror," even though she should've known it wasn't right) than to simply vote for a woman just because I'm a woman. Do I realize that I'm able to make these distinctions because women of another generation, like Hillary Clinton, Geraldine Ferraro, fought for women when our voices didn't matter? Yes, I am the next generation, and I benefit from the previous generation standing up and being counted. Does that mean that I must automatically believe that the ways of the last generation must be my ways? NO.

I believe there will be a woman elected President in my lifetime, and my hope is, she will have earned it, and won't have been someone important's wife, and she won't come to office with a ton of baggage - historically, lobbyists, etc. But I understand there is a generation of women who fought really hard for things before me, and they see the reality of a woman President waning as their years wane, just as the black people of Rev. Wright's generation see the same reality regarding a black President. Put in this context, Geraldine Ferraro's racially controversial comments this week start to look a lot like Wright's comments. We have two older generations of folk who are angry that they never got their shot, and believe that their time has come, and that time is NOW. And the overriding message coming out of all of this hullabaloo? People aren't over race, yet. Black or white. Even Democrats and those who are supposed to be pro-Civil Rights.

Maybe I'm wrong. We'll see if the general populace will be able to differentiate between Barack and his pastor. Older generation vs. next generation. Barack has been doing some wonderful interviews that have very thoughtfully brought up this very topic. Anderson Cooper and Barack had a pretty great dialogue on it last night on 360, and then David Gergen and Roland Martin and Anderson discussed the same topic with clarity and reason afterwards. If that kind of journalism prevails, this could open up some really important discussions that we need to have as a country. If it just gets turned into a circus sideshow the way FOX likes it to, well, than I feel the country will be worse off for it. Whether Barack's campaign goes on or not. I think the losers will be the American people because this conversation has been about 250 years in the making and needs to happen. Also, we'll lose our first honest to goodness opportunity in our modern times to elect a people-powered, grass-roots, bottom-up, people-funded, PAC-free, lobbyist-free, democratic (in the larger definition of the word) NetRoots candidate who will be answerable to WE THE PEOPLE instead of the ruling class.

Olbermann. Tonight. MSNBC. 8pm EST. Be there!

2008-03-12T15:15:00.002-04:00

I cannot express how much I am looking forward to Keith Olbermann's "Special Comment" tonight. If you've seen him do one of these in the past, you know that they are FLAMING. I hope it gets some people's attention. Specifically the leadership of the Dem Party who doesn't seem to want to censure a high ranking member of the Party whose only strategy now - since she cannot win the pledged delegate or popular vote count even if she wins PA, has FL handed to her and wins KY, PR and WV - is to ruin Barack Obama for the general in hopes of her running against McCain in 2012.

I have a feeling Keith will mention these things tonight, amongst a few others, like Hillary's lack of response to Geraldine Ferraro's racist statements, her lauding of McCain over Obama, and her outright lies about Obama's NAFTA position, and just yesterday his energy policy vote which HAS increased our use of renewable energy despite her claims to the contrary, and which she voted against. And by saying Keith might "mention" these things, I mean he is going to FLAME Hillary, and rightfully so. It's time for the country and at the very least, the Dem leadership to wake up and stop looking the other way. Every mammal with a brain can see what she's doing. Even Rachel Maddow couldn't hide her open disgust when talking about Hillary on MSNBC last night, and she used to love her. We can no longer question what Hillary's strategy is, so the question becomes: do you care what Hillary is doing? And if you do care about it's ruinous nature, are you going to do something about it?

Well, ARE you?

Open Letter to the DNC

2008-01-23T12:25:00.000-05:00

I am a registered Democrat in New York. I have been a dedicated Democrat for the past 10 years. I am under 40 and am the future of this Party. I have volunteered and canvassed for several Democratic candidates over the last decade, and I vote. Even when the polls are not favorable towards my candidate, or when it's raining and snowing, or when my life is so busy I can barely keep up with it - I vote. And I encourage those I know to vote. And I always encourage them to vote Democratic.

That being said, I am concerned about the tenor of this election. Our party has a former, very popular President who is actively campaigning using the Karl Rove play book to lie and smear another Democratic candidate for President. Bill Clinton isn't running for office, and needs to stop campaigning as if he were. The Clintons are dividing this party, in the same way I fear they will further divide this nation should Hillary Clinton win the nomination. Based on her conduct over the past month, I will never vote for her. And I will encourage any and all who will listen to me, to do the same. Hillary Clinton and her husband, who I used to admire greatly, are resembling Republicans in the way they are conducting their political strategy. The "Swiftboating" that brought John Kerry's campaign down was disgusting, but when we lost that election, at least we knew as a Party that we lost because we held on to our values. I have always been proud that although we lost for two cycles to George Bush, we ran clean and decent campaigns. We finally have a serious contender for the nomination that is moral, full of ideas and hope, and APPEALS to a broad coalition of voters - not just dyed-in-the-wool Dems such as myself, and the last Democratic President to do the same is actively trying to destroy this man's character by LYING about him. Does this make any sense to you?

I am imploring you to send a message to the Clintons to stop this immoral and indecent behavior on the campaign trail. I'm also asking you to consider, when it's time to commit to a nominee, that we are standing at a tremendous precipice of history. Are we as a Party going to nominate an inspired and inspiring candidate - one that the press and people all over the country are comparing to JFK? Or are we going to be the Party that gives into someone who feels entitled to the office because she was married to the last Democrat who held the office - and possibly go down in history as the Party who couldn't get their candidate elected after 8 years of George W. Bush?

Our Democratic Party has always differentiated itself from the Republicans as the Party of the people. The Party that cares. The social policy Party. Are we going to join the Republicans in rewarding dirty politics? Winning through treachery? In forwarding this ridiculous Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton dynasty? What's next? Jeb Bush and then Chelsea Clinton? If the Democratic Party is interested in encouraging a third party to rise in this country, nominate Hillary Clinton. And we'll watch Mike Bloomberg enter the race, and have another Republican in office come Jan. 20, 2009.

We have the opportunity to change this Nation for the better. To restore our image around the world. The Democrats do. But not if the Clintons ruin it for all of us.

Feeling the same way? Send your response to the DNC here.

Obama. The Un-Hillary. It's a Good Thing!

2008-01-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, The Clinton campaign's tactics in NH were of the Karl Rove variety. This article in the Washington Post examines just how dirty they were, and speaks to the possible backlash - Democrats unwilling to support Hillary, should she win the Party's nomination. Apparently Hillary is running the risk of permanently ruining her chances in the general election based on her actions in the primary. The article is frank and unflattering. The comments that follow are full of infuriated people.

If Hillary Clinton wins the Democratic nomination, we're likely to have another Republican President. In polls being conducted now, Obama wins in a head to head with all the major Republican candidates. Hillary loses. A national poll released today shows that Obama is picking up momentum amongst Dems across the nation, narrowing a 10% gap to 1%, which falls well within the polls 4.7% plus or minus. Hillary Clinton is a polarizing figure in American politics. For some wrong reasons, and for some right ones. There are those who "just don't like her," or are anti-woman, etc. And there are many of us who have scrutinized her record, her character and her words and find a candidate who doesn't meet our standards for the nomination of President of the United States. And Hillary herself is providing all kinds of examples of terrible behavior on her part in this election, to further polarize her from the American electorate. Hillary might be the only figure reviled enough in the Democratic party to actually lose to a Republican after the nation suffered through 8 years of the worst President we've ever had. Ugh.

Come on Nevada and South Carolina - stand up for Change! And let's hope the uncovering of the dirty tactics in NH, and this ridiculous race baiting crap this week, will lead to some curbed behavior in the Clinton campaign. If you can't campaign and win legitimately in the primary... Don't run! Although, it seemed to work pretty well for George W. Bush. I guess Hillary is using the same "strategery."

It's OK to Believe!

2008-01-13T13:37:00.000-05:00

I truly believe the key to Barack Obama winning SC, is telling people that "It's OK to Believe!" Read an article in USA Today online, in which a black woman named Maggie Melvin in SC said that she "yearned" to vote for Barack Obama but was afraid to. Maggie feels that white people won't vote for a black man once they get behind the voting curtain, so she says she is voting for who she believes is the safer choice. I'm sure the stunning results from NH led her to believe that. Maggie believes that white people are saying one thing to pollsters, and then betraying those words when they get into the booth, because of their racism. This makes me sad. Sad to think that that could be true - although I think that that is not what happened in NH - and sad that there is a segment of our society that feels so discriminated against that they believe Barack Obama can't win because he shares the color of their skin.

I'm not naive, I know that there is still very naked and also hidden racial prejudice in America, but we continue to move in a progressive pattern in this country, on all issues, over time. We have gay marriage in Massachusetts, which was voted into law under the State's first black Governor, Deval Patrick. We have a black man and a woman running neck and neck for the Democratic Party's nomination for President - with a white man running a distant third. We have retained a woman's right to choose, despite numerous attempts to overturn it under several Republican administrations, since 1973. No matter how much the Conservatives of this country try and "conserve" the status quo, we are marching forward.

I believe that in my lifetime, I will see a black president, a woman president, probably a black woman president. I will see gay marriage signed into law across this country. My grandkids will probably have to learn Spanish in school, as it will likely become our second language. I know to some this is a nightmare vision of the future, but I'll bet the world we live in today, with its plethora of choices, women in the workplace, openly gay citizens, voting rights for all, etc. was probably the nightmare vision of the future that horrified the Conservatives 100 years ago. And you know what? It turned out all right. Sure, we have a slew of problems that go along with progress - but they had a slew of problems 100 years ago, too. Society will never be perfect, but it can be more fair. And that is a value that progressives cherish, and work for.

To Maggie Melvin of SC, I want to say: people in NH weren't telling pollsters they'd vote for Barack and then getting in the booth and voting for a white candidate. Blatant racists are, unfortunately, not afraid to say so. And the closeted ones aren't going to say they'd vote for Barack (to make themselves look good?) and secretly not vote for him because of his skin color. Closeted racists simply say "I really prefer John Edwards." Or Mitt Romney. Or anyone else with a white face.

What DID happen in NH was the media had christened Obama the double-digit winner, and then Hillary cried. I'm sure John Edwards' insensitive, vaguely sexist response to Hillary crying didn't help matters, either. Women told me over and over again as I canvassed on Primary day - especially middle-aged women - that they were all for Obama until the day before, and then they suddenly felt sorry for Hillary when she cried. They felt like the men were beating up on her. They said they identified with her as a woman trying to do everything and not getting the desired result. They were often apologetic, saying "I really LIKE Obama, I think he was the better choice, but I just really identified with Hillary." Many said the media made them feel like she was going to be handed a drubbing, and many of the women I talked to said they figured Obama would win anyway based on the polls, so they cast a vote for Hillary as a more or less pity vote, thinking it would at least make her loss less of a landslide.

The exit polls confirm there was a 15% shift in middle aged women who said before the polls that they were Obama voters and admitted to voting for Hillary after the election. In this case, the very polls designed to gauge the outcome of the election seem to have had a hand in determining the actual outcome. It was a confluence of unforeseen events.

To Maggie Melvin, and those like her who are afraid to vote for Barack Obama because you think white society won't vote for him, I say, "It's OK to Believe!" First of all, white people are voting for him - overwhelmingly. Not only did he win in Iowa where 95-96% of the population is white, but in the exit polls in NH, the only category of voters he didn't win was middle-aged women. Again, in a nearly white population, all other voters were overwhelmingly for Barack Obama. But that's not the main point. The main point is that if people who want to vote for Barack don't because they don't believe he can win - he WON'T. The very people who "yearn" to vote for him MUST. If these voters don't believe he can win and don't vote for him, they could be the very stumbling block that prevents his win. That's irony. So, to all the Maggie Melvin's out there, the rest of us who DO believe implore you to believe, too. Vote for who you WANT to win, and he can become the one who WILL win. It's OK to believe - in yourself, and in your dreams. This can happen now.

Clintons Playing the Race Card?

2008-01-13T12:57:00.000-05:00

Watched Hillary on "Meet the Press" this morning. She's now attempting to paint the Obama campaign with the same stripes the media has been painting her with this past week - implying Obama is lying, exaggerating, and taking her and Bill's comments out of context in an effort to make them look bad. Calling into question the intent and the content of public statements made by Billary that are, if not overtly, at least inadvertently racist, is not the same as spreading innuendo and rumor through the internet. As to Hillary's claims that she fired people in her campaign for their false statements - she let the "Barack is a Muslim and attended a madrassa as a child" rumor fly for the entire NH campaign and didn't, at first, admit to it. Then when it was irrefutably traced back to her campaign, she waited until AFTER she'd eeked out a win in NH before firing the "responsible party" who was probably just some low level fall guy.

As to what Hillary is accusing Barack of - lying about her statements regarding MLK and Bill's now infamous "fairy tale" speech - several black leaders, such as SC Congressman James Clyburn, and concerned journalists were the first to take notice of the pattern of subtle race baiting that both Clintons have been participating in for some time now. The Obama campaign is calling into question direct quotes made by their opponent - that's responsible campaigning. We should ALL be looking at the candidates' records, questioning their intent, and examining their character before we just blindly give them our vote. Apparently Hillary thinks her extremely slow reaction to the slew of lies her campaign is slinging (slow enough to make sure they have enough time to hit and resonate before retracting them after the damage is done) gives her the moral high ground in her eyes, and Obama's calling her to account for her public words makes him "negative." I'm not buying it. And hoping millions of South Carolinians won't either.

You, too, Bill?

2008-01-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

I used to like Bill Clinton... But I was SHOCKED by the Clinton campaign's dirty campaigning in NH. I thought that was something only Republicans did. It was like we were fighting against Karl Rove out there on the streets. I had several people - registered Democrats, I might add - who were sure that Obama was a Muslim terrorist that wanted to "take America down from the inside..." And where did they get this info? Why emails from he Clinton campaign, of course. Dis-GUSTING. Seriously, is this what we want from our President? 4 more years of the same crap we've gotten for the last 8? I can say that I loved Barack before I went to NH and totally supported his policies, but now I am FERVENT that he is the right person. We ran such a CLEAN campaign in the NH election, the ethical nature of the Obama campaign in NH came from the top down. And the campaign itself was run from the ground up. Democracy at its best.

If you think Hillary can change and run a positive campaign, here is, essentially, what Bill said on the Sharpton show yesterday - vote for Hillary, because this is her last chance, but Obama will have other opportunities. I.e. - "don't vote for who you think is the best candidate, just throw the old girl a bone, give her a pity vote, because this young kid has time on his side." Using that logic, we all should have voted for Dole in '96. Pathetic. They know her time is past and her potential was always limited. They're just trying to force her on the American public because the value of the Republican party has never been lower, which is her only chance of ever being elected.

I think we owe it to ourselves and the country we love to choose the RIGHT candidate. I'm not suffering through another mediocre President because she feels the Office is owed to her for some reason...

Notes from NH

2008-01-11T18:42:00.000-05:00

Moments that stood out from Primary weekend:

• The first day I canvassed, I was really intimidated. It seems so crazy to just walk up to someone's door and knock and then launch into a political discussion with someone you don't really know... But you'd be surprised how many people will talk to you - invite you in, even. I went to the door of one man who had a note by his name that said he was an Independent voter, had been visited by us before and showed he was "leaning towards" voting for Senator Obama. When he answered his door, I apologized for interrupting the football game which was clearly on on the tv behind him. "No problem," he said. I told him I was back because the election was close and I wanted to see if he had any questions about Barack Obama. I gave him a quick run-down as to why I was campaigning for Obama. He listened politely, and when I asked him if he had any questions, he said "No, I think I know who I'm voting for." I asked who, and he said, without irony, "Mitt Romney." There's a strange first and second choice. Romney/Obama '08 anyone?

• As we were doing a visibility in the middle of town on Monday - which basically consists of holding a bunch of signs, whooping and hollering and trying to encourage people to honk as they drive by (silly, I know, but it seems to be a method of all campaigns everywhere) - an elderly woman exited the bank across the street and yelled, "I wouldn't vote for him if he were the last candidate on earth! Obama rhymes with OSAMA!" Um, what?!?

• My friend Heather called a man and as soon as she got him on the line and started her appeal, he said, "Say no more, he's the man!" When she asked if he'd be voting for Obama on Tuesday, he said, "I can't vote." She had his registration information in front of her and said she was sure he was registered, to which he replied, "Yea, but I got convicted of a felony recently..." Whooops!

• Heather also called someone who said flat out, "I don't vote for N***ers." Wow. Didn't think anyone admitted to that anymore.

• I canvassed at a house with a WWII Veteran license plate on the car in the drive. The wife and husband were listed as registered Democrats. A note indicated that the wife had been visited before and said she was "definitely" voting for Barack. The husband answered the door when I called upon them this time. Immediately the husband began ranting that Barack was a liar. I asked him "What do you perceive he's lied about?" He responded "Everything." I asked him to elaborate and he started to explain to me that Barack Obama was a Muslim terrorist who was trying to bring down the US from the inside... I told him we'd have to agree to disagree on that one, and politely excused myself. He told me to be careful on the ice as I left. Wonder if he knew about his terrorist abetting wife?

• The night before the polls, our last task was to hang little "Don't Forget to Vote for Barack!" door hangers on the houses of people who had expressed a strong interest in him. This began at about 7pm at night, right after the surprise rally that Senator Obama had just held in town. Of course we were all "Fired Up and Ready to Go!" Until we got out and started actually doing it. There's nothing worse than sneaking up to someone's house in the dark. Especially in an area where some houses are about 500 feet off the main road, in the pitch black, with a truck in the driveway adorned with an NRA sticker. And a huge "Beware of the Dog" sign on the fence. My friend Heather and I got stuck with a particularly desolate route way on the outskirts of town. All of the sudden we came upon about 400 cars lining either side of the road. We looked at each other and said, "Rally." But for who? Why for Mike HUCKABEE!! The rally was just letting out. So here we are, double parking Heather's car in the middle of the road, both of us exploding out of either side of the vehicle, running - sometimes long distances - to the house on our list, or the house next to the house on our list because it was so dark we couldn't see house numbers, and coming back to giddy Huckabeeans waiting to pull their car out of the spot we'd blocked them into. Imagine the headlines: "Obama Supporter Run Over by Huckabee Backer." At one point, we saw about 6 Goth kids in the full hair and makeup, 8 inch platform boots, etc. getting into their mini-van carrying "Huckabee!" signs and high-fiving each other. Neither of us could figure THAT one out.

• My favorite call was to a man who stopped me in mid-sentence and said, "O-BAH-ma... He's a liberal, right?" I responded, "Well, yes, he's a progressive candidate." To which he replied, "We don't got nuthin' to do with liberals in THIS house. They can all go to HELL," and promptly hung up on me. I smiled as I looked down on his voter registration information: "Registered Democrat."

Getting Out the Vote Obama Style

2008-01-11T09:53:00.000-05:00

Just got back from an intense weekend Getting Out The Vote in Rochester, NH. 4 cold nights at a cheap hotel. 3 long days working with some of the most inspired, articulate, kind, caring, informed and fired up people I've ever met. This was about more than politics. We were a movement.

I'm still reeling a little from the end result. I, like everyone else, can't figure out how the polls could have been so wrong... But I am so proud to have gone on my own time, on my own dime and slogged through the wet, slushy streets of NH, knocking on doors and talking to people about Senator Obama.

I learned a lot from being on the ground and talking to Americans in their homes about what is important to them. People are sick of Washington. They are sick of candidates that don't listen to them. Who don't care about the working poor. Who are more concerned with their own ego, than the wants and needs of their constituents. I talked to a man who says he's written numerous letters to his local Congressman about some problems that need to be addressed in his neighborhood and hasn't ever heard back. He said he could remember a time when writing a letter meant getting a response - of some kind. I talked to a 61 year old woman who in her own words, had been just a "sliver above poor" her whole life. She made just enough to not qualify for any public assistance, but was always struggling just to get by. I talked to a man shoveling his neighbor's driveway who had signed up to be a volunteer at the polls because he knew he'd be one of the first people to get to vote on Tuesday. All of these people were voting for Senator Obama. And sadly I talked to a few people who apologetically said that they loved Senator Obama and his message of hope and change, but were too jaded and cynical to believe it was actually possible anymore, and were therefore going to vote for the status quo candidate.

Many people who told me they were not going to vote for Senator Obama apologized to me, saying they felt bad that they weren't voting for him. What a sad statement about the state of affairs in America - that people can't feel good about who they are voting for, and are too afraid/disaffected/cynical to vote for the person they CAN feel good about voting for. We are at a place in our history where the current administration has botched things up so badly, that we have a unique opportunity to shift the paradigm and try something completely different. But the fearmongering of the past 7 1/2 years - while it has people hungry for change - also has them scared. Scared to hope for anything more than "not as bad as it is now."

Barack Obama can bring people together, inspire them, and effect change. He dares to dream big and inspires us to do so. One thing I saw first hand in NH is what his message can accomplish on a grassroots level. Our office was two doors down from another candidate. Let's say that candidate's name is "Billary." Here's a little compare and contrast. Our office was a mess. People were sleeping on the floor in the back room and freshening up in the showerless bathroom. Working, lierally, around the clock. Almost no one in the office was actually paid anything. We were all volunteers who came on our own, and used and gave of our own resources, without complaint and with total commitment. We were told to run a clean, pleasant, professional, courteous ground operation. To NEVER speak badly about anyone else's campaign or person. To never answer a question if we didn't know the answer, but to be sure and get the proper information to the person asking it by calling the office, where someone was available to us at all times. There were volunteers from CA, IA, IN, NY, MA, ME, MD, DC, as well as dozens from the town of Rochester itself.

Billary's office was often empty. There were few volunteers from the area, but many paid operatives from DC. They sat at desks. Their office was neat as a pin. We never ran into them canvassing. We hardly ever came across her literature. Her people seemed largely absent from the area, which was strange. One of the aforementioned paid operatives disclosed that Billary outsourced all the phone calls to a service. Contrast that with our Obama office where we were using our own cell phones to make calls from call lists until the polls closed on Tuesday, because we had more vounteers than phones, and a desire to work until the very last minute. We were told by one of the Billary people that they'd love to come work for Obama if he won the nomination - but we should know that the Billary people would NEVER allow anyone who'd worked the Obama campaign to work for them. As she said, "the Obama people take all comers, the Billaries are very vindictive."

I ran across a lot of misinformation as I canvassed as well. I wondered where it was coming from. Especially since it seemed to be the same two issues over and over again. "I've heard Senator Obama doesn't support a woman's right to choose - got that in an email..." No ma'am, in fact he has received a 100% rating from both Planned Parenthood and NARAL every year he's been in office, his record is adamantly Pro-Life. "I got an email that says that Senator Obama refused to particpate in the Pledge of Allegiance..." No Sir, that's not accurate. When asked where they got this information, all of them said emails from that Billary candidate. These are the politics of Karl Rove. As Democrats, haven't we prided ourselves, in fact, assuaged ourselves after two horrifying national elections, with the knowledge that at least we didn't stoop to the Republicans' level and campaign in the mud? We may not have won in 2000 and 2004, but at least we didn't lie and drag our opponents down with falsehoods and deviousness. Well, the Democrats seem to have their own Karl Rove in their midst now, and whoever s/he is, s/he is working for Billary. After reading Rove's WSJ oped piece on Obama, I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't Karl Rove HIMSELF who's working for Billary...

I got a chance to see Mr. Obama at a rally in Rochester. He was amazing. Especially in dealing fairly and hearing out a small but very vocal group of anti-abortion protesters who began chanting and disrupting the proceedings about 10 minutes in. Senator Obama kept the crowd from booing the protesters or shouting them down with rhetoric or even "Fired Up, Ready to Go!" chants. He asked the protesters if they had any questions for him, or if they wanted to open up dialogue. He asked the crowd to hear them out. Eventually, after the crowd of 1000 just stared at the 10 protestors for about 2 minutes, they petered out and left, unsure as to what to do next, as I'm sure they were prepared to be challenged and stirred up. Left with nothing but our full attention, and no other agenda but to scream the same three words: "Abortion is abomination" over and over, they realized they weren't going to get any traction that way, and left of their own accord. After they left Mr. Obama, who had been in the middle of praising the organization of ground volunteers when the ruckus started, said "That was good ground organization - that's the right of Americans to have their voice heard." And he's right. Watching him deal with that group gave us all a real insight as to how he would deal with those who disagree with him. It was pretty amazing.

To use the campaign terminology - I am more fired up and ready to go than I was before I left for NH. I'm getting active here in my home state, and considering a trip to SC for the final push before primary. Finding a candidate that actually transcends everything you always hope for when you go to place a vote is a little bit like finally falling in love. You've thought for so long that you'd have to settle... But when you find out you don't have to settle - it's the best feeling in the world.

We've Been Made "Redundant"

2007-10-19T20:46:00.000-04:00

I've blogged previously about the company that I wait tables for - Great Performances. My primary place of work is the cafe at the Asia Society Museum, which GP runs. I've been there almost a year. It's a really great place to work. Waiting tables can be a really horrible job. At many restaurants the management is awful, the push to upsell is ridiculous, the hours are long and tedious, the chefs can be tempermental to flat out crazy, sometimes the waitstaff create drama amongst themselves, tips can be pooled and whittled down to nothing, the work environment can be unsanitary... Waiters are often hired for their personalities and ability to sell, hustle and be competent and responsible and yet are subsequently treated like slaves. The best thing about Great Performances is, even though it is one of the largest food service companies in New York, it has a top down ethic of treating its people with respect. In my year with GP, I've been able to earn a decent living working with very nice people, in a clean environment, with excellent and unique food - in short, things that make the job easy. It's easy to sell food when you believe in it and the people who create it. It's easy to come to work, even to a somewhat menial job, when the hours are short, the money is good, the environment and clients are pleasant, the management is capable and willing to support you, and your fellow co-workers are considerate, reliable and fun to be around. Things are so nice at the cafe, in fact, that we just received a 3 star (highest possible) review in the vaunted Michelin Guide. And we just got fired from the Asia Society...

I showed up at work this morning for my usual Friday shift and was told there was a full staff meeting on the 8th floor of the building. The head of HR at GP was there as well as one of the top 3 in management of the company. I knew that couldn't be good. We were all informed that as of December 21, the GP contract with Asia Society was over and Asia Society had decided not to renew. GP would make every effort to absorb all of us into their other venues, it was no reflection on us, as all reviews in the trades in New York (even Boston), and all customer feedback were unanimously and fervently positive. "It was just a business decision." Apparently the Asia Society believes they can make more money if they run the cafe themselves. Later, the head of Events at the Asia Society met with us and told us all thanks for our hard work in helping build the cafe from nothing to the popular and well reviewed place it had become and that it was nothing personal but the Asia Society just made a business decision to go in a different direction. Whatevs. But then he went on to tell us that he himself had made the decision to not renew the contract, and that he was "really excited," that the transition was "going to be great!" and if any of us wanted to stay on at the cafe, he "couldn't promise" us anything, but he might be able to put a good word in for us... The man just canned 15 people and then stood in front of us and told us how excited he was about it. I've never experienced such a complete lack of people skills in my whole life.

Later, to add insult to injury, and in a perfect display of true (not Alanis Morrisette fake) irony, in the middle of the lunch rush, the Director of Communications at the Asia Society stands in the middle of the restaurant and announces to the whole place that the cafe just received the 3 star Michelin Guide review and encourages the patrons to "give a hand" to the management and servers at the cafe. There we all are, in mid-lunch rush, caught like deer in the headlights while our patrons clap for us, like it's a curtain call. It was awkward and embarrassing and a little infuriating, because - and here's the definition of real irony - the patrons were not in on the fact that those of us who had worked so hard to earn that 3 star review were fired that very morning. The Asia Society brought Great Performances in two years ago to build them a cafe from the floor up, and now that it has become successful, garnered great press, and gained an excellent reputation - despite the fact that the Asia Society did absolutely nothing to promote the cafe themselves - they now want to ride on that reputation, take all the glory and exploit the reviews we at GP earned and claim them for their own, and dupe the public by quietly changing management, service and food and still claiming to be the same place. The review of the Asia Society cafe that is in the 2008 NYC Michelin Guide will not represent or reflect the cafe that will be there in 2008. That cafe in the review will be no more as of December 21, 2007.

I'm taking this more personally than I thought I would. As the day progressed, the hypocrisy and shittiness of the whole thing just really started to build. First of all, I've never been fired before (especially en masse) and it sucks. Secondly, I'm worried about the kitchen staff who aren't from this country and have a lot more riding on a steady paycheck than someone like me. Thirdly, I wanted to be the one who made the decision where I'd work and not have it taken from me by someone who really doesn't even care how he's affected those of us he's fired, and is gleefully exploiting the reputation we all built so hard to build. I suppose it's part and parcel of the corporate world to let the people under you do the work and then take credit for it and profit from it. That's why I've never taken a corporate job, and hope to never have to. I know change can be a good thing. All it takes is a change in perspective. I know there are a lot of projects and opportunities that Ryan and I have waiting for us with our business. I know that I will not starve, even if I don't find another job right away. I know that there are a million wait jobs in NYC, and I know that I may not ever have to wait a table again. But those thoughts are for tomorrow. Today, it sucks to be fired.

Daisy is Looking Good!!

2007-10-18T12:13:00.000-04:00

Let me take this opportunity to thank all of you who have been following the saga of Daisy and her belly. I am happy to report that, as of now, she has a clean bill of health from the vet and the surgeon. Last week was the first time Daisy had her e-collar off in two months, and needless to say, she's a very happy, energetic dog these days. She is also enjoying the unseasonably warm Fall weather we're having. She is sitting outside sunning herself in our side yard as I write this. The picture above was taken on our morning walk today. Ryan and I feel so grateful to have our dog back!!

When last we left you, the surgeon had sent Daisy's necrotic tissue out for biopsy. She had found no evidence of a hernia repair and had gone ahead and reconstructed Daisy's left abdominal wall after removing Daisy's mammory, fatty pad, and some necrotic muscle and skin on her lower left side. A couple of days later, the biopsy came back and showed minute amounts of extremely quick dissolving suture material. Therefore, it does look like the vet in Illinois did indeed perform a hernia surgery - and apparently did a nice job on the internal repair, because no scar tissue formed. What caused all of Daisy's troubles was the quick-dissolve sutures used in the initial hernia surgery, which are highly reactive. The quick-dissolve sutures are rather new and not widely used, and they can cause extreme allergic reactions in dogs - which is exactly what happened with Daisy. By the time we saw outward manifestations of her infection, it had spread from the site of her hernia repair all the way to the incision in the middle of the belly, and eventually ruined everything in its path. Thank God we had the repair surgery when we did, because the infection would have continued to spread and ruin all tissue in its path.

Obviously Daisy's surgery was quite extensive, and she was in a mountain of pain, which was incredibly difficult to deal with. Just touching her sent her into screams of pain. She had to be lifted in and out of the car, up and down stairs, etc. and for a couple of days it took Ryan and I about 30 minutes just to gear ourselves and Daisy up to handle any moving of her. Then we'd endure her screaming before, during and after handling her and she'd endure what I can only imagine was unbelievable pain, because she has a very high pain tolerance. Amazingly, within two days she was feeling much better and we took her off her pain meds - the vet thought she'd be a wreck for at least 3 or more days, but as I said, Daisy's tough. Ryan and I spent the week taking shifts with Daisy as she was not supposed to be left alone. Each of us called in sick to work at least once, but we were able to work it all out. We took Daisy to the vet this past week for a post-op follow-up. The only area of any concern at all is a strange lump Daisy has on her left side at the site of the second surgery. The surgeon is fairly certain that it is just a large lump of scar tissue since Daisy had such a radical surgery, but you can never be totally sure, so we are to watch it and make sure it doesn't swell or change. We've been watching it for about a week now, and if anything it's gotten smaller and it doesn't bother Daisy a bit when you squeeze it, so we think it probably is just some really ugly scar tissue. Plus, Daisy doesn't have the fat pad on that side to kind of disguise it - it just sticks right up under her skin. The surgeon said it will probably be about a year before the scar tissue settles. So Daisy has a wicked long scar down the middle of her belly and a big lump on her left side, but otherwise, she is perfect. Her activity level has returned to almost puppy proportions, she's eating well, playing with other dogs, interested in socializing with people again and just back to her old self. Hallelujah!

Again, I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. I know that all that positive energy had a positive effect on Daisy. I'm sure she would give you a big old tail waggle of agreement. Thanks again, all!!

She's Not A Human, But...

2007-09-26T10:50:00.000-04:00

She's still our baby. Daisy is our beautiful Beagle/Dachshund mix. She was a rescue dog that I found on the side of the road in Louisiana. She came to me with worms and fleas, and more seriously she was heartworm positive and anemic. She was also carrying a litter of puppies, but I didn't know that for a week or two. That first few months were crazy. De-worming, de-fleaing. Birth! Lots of vet visits, a surgery to get her fixed, a really intense treatment to kill the heartworms that left her pretty much apartment-ridden for a month. Daisy went through a lot of poking and prodding and discomfort for a while there, but within 6 months, we had her in perfect health. The vet felt that she was only about a year old, so getting her back up to speed meant helping to ensure a long, healthy life for her.

Last December, I took Daisy to the vet right after Ryan and I moved here to Astoria. The vet said that she had a fatty cyst on her lower left side and we should watch it to see if it grew. Fast forward to July. I had noticed that the cyst had in fact grown, and was a little concerned about it. I hadn't liked the vet I originally took Daisy to here in Astoria, and I knew that in less than a month's time we would be on vacation in Illinois to visit my parents. There is a vet in my parent's home town that I had taken Daisy to once or twice before for check-ups while the two of us were living our nomadic post-grad school life. I decided to book an appointment for her there while we were on vacay. I really wish I hadn't done that now, but hindsight is 20/20, and this vet seemed reputable and capable...

When we - actually my mom - took Daisy to the vet in Illinois, they determined that the fatty cyst was in fact a hernia. They suggested we schedule surgery. Being the responsible pet-owners/parents that we are, we wanted to have it done as soon as possible and therefore, we booked it at the Illinois vet for the upcoming week. She came home the day after surgery - the vet kept her overnight for "observation" - and she seemed fine. I was surprised that they had sent her on her way with no meds or collar, but I figured the vet knew what she was doing. They gave us a sheet that said "Don't let the animal lick the surgical area." Well, she's a dog. Of course she's going to lick the area, and without an ecollar, you'd pretty much have to stay awake 24/7 and follow the dog everywhere to prevent licking. And even then, the dog would probably get in a stray lick or two before you stopped it. Ryan and I woke up in the middle of the night, the night that Daisy came home, to the sound of her vigorously licking her surgical area. The next morning we woke up to the sound of her vomiting. We immediately rushed her back to the vet's office and another Dr. (who didn't perform the surgery) asked where her collar was and seemed a little surprised that she wasn't sent home with one. This Dr. gave us a collar and gave Daisy a shot to calm her nausea and we took her home. She stopped licking herself and her stomach settled, and all seemed well.

I got her home to NY about 4 days later, and noticed that the area around her incision was pretty red and raw. There also appeared to be a dark area below the stitches, but nothing changed from day to day, so I didn't worry too much about it. I found another vet here in Astoria online - both Yahoo and Google had really positive reviews of Dr. Hatzidimitriou's practice at All Pets Veterinary Care. (That's what I should have done when I first moved here because the reviews of the first vet I took Daisy to here in Astoria were abysmal.) I made an appointment to have Daisy's sutures removed at 10 days after surgery.

Daisy and I both liked Dr. Hatzi and her staff right away. I could tell that the Dr. was a little worried about Daisy's incision area. She made a point to tell me to keep an eye on it and to call her if anything developed. Which it did about a day after she got the sutures out. A huge blood blister formed at the base of the incision, and then it burst, and all the way up the incision, it began to open. I took her back to Dr. Hatzi who began to treat her aggressively with anti-biotics and a routine of warm antiseptic compresses that she had Ryan and I repeat daily at home. Dr. Hatzi asked me for the records from the Illinois vet, and when she got them, was alarmed that the Illinois vet had sent Daisy home from surgery with no pain management meds, no anti-biotics and no ecollar after surgery. She stopped short of saying it was negligent, but she's pretty old school, and I could tell by her disapproving brow furrow and tongue clucking that she was unimpressed with the other vet's work. She also wanted to know what kind of sutures the vet used in the surgery, because Daisy might have been having an allergic reaction to them, and knowing what they were would help her decide a course of action to take. Strangely, that wasn't recorded in the Illinois vet's notes - another thing I could tell Dr. Hatzi thought was less than professional.

This went on for about 4 weeks. We kept shuttling Daisy in to Dr. Hatzi, sometimes because her incision infection looked worse, and sometimes because it looked like it was getting better. Dr. Hatzi wanted to err on the side of caution, because it's expensive to perform surgery, and also it's hell on the dog, so we tried as hard as we could to achieve a medicinal cure for the infection. We switched up to a stronger more broad-spectrum anti-biotic, we took her in regularly so Dr. H could drain the pus, we continued the compresses twice daily. Our life revolved around Daisy's treatments and meds. We would take her collar off of her when we did the compresses to give her at least 30 minutes, twice daily, of freedom from it. We bought her baby onesies and cut a hole for her tail so that she could sleep in them and not have the collar on, but Daisy is apparently the Houdini of dogs and managed to slip out of it (fully snapped!) the very first night we tried that. We really worked it. Finally after a month, Dr. Hatzi and we had to admit defeat and Daisy had another surgery.

Yesterday was surgery number two. I took Daisy to the vet for the umpteenth time in 30 days. Daisy really likes the vet office. Lisa the vet tech and the nurse really make over her, and she meets other dogs and CATS! in the waiting room. The waiting room experience is a real treat for her. Then there's the exam room. She immediately cowers and lays on the floor when it's time to go to the room. I carry her back in there, she gets poked and prodded and squeezed. Then she blames me for the pain, and we go home where she won't look at me for a couple of hours. Yesterday, she got a couple of shots and was scooped away for surgery. I felt uneasy the whole day. This whole process has been so exhausting mentally and emotionally. I came home and just couldn't keep still. I rearranged the furniture and cleaned like a maniac. Finally it was time to pick Daisy up. She was in so much pain, she looked like a doped up, angry mess. The nurse went through the meds and treatments Daisy would need: pain meds once a day after eating, anti-biotic pill twice a day, warm compress 3 times a day. No walking up stairs, no jumping, no licking, etc. It was a long list. I couldn't help but thinking she looked a lot worse and there was a lot more post-op care than there was in Illinois...

The nurse then told me that they didn't just cut out the infection, they also did an exploration of Daisy's hernia to make sure it was holding, and that the sutures holding it weren't infected as well. I will quote her exactly here: "We didn't find any evidence of scar tissue or any remnants of suture material." I was dumbfounded for a second. Did that mean what I thought it did? Did the vet in Illinois NOT perform a hernia surgery?? It's only been 6 weeks - surely there would have been evidence of hernia surgery - those sutures take up to 6 months to fully dissolve. Could it have been a fatty cyst as the original vet in Astoria suggested? Did the vet in Illinois simply remove a fatty cyst? Is that why there was no record of the actual repair in the vet's notes? Did they charge us for a hernia repair and then keep her overnight to hide that they didn't really perform one? The DAY after she had surgery for the hernia (or so we thought) Daisy was running and jumping and generally feeling pretty fine except for the irritation of the incision. Today, she couldn't run or jump if she tried, and all they did was explore around her groin area yesterday, not cut into it. She's three times as swollen, she's on pain meds, and because they performed surgery, she's on anti-biotics to ward off infection. Is it possible that the vet in Illinois misdiagnosed a hernia, opened Daisy up, realized it was just a fatty cyst, removed it, sewed her back up and kept her overnight to hide that she had a minimally invasive surgery and was just fine, and then charged us for the original diagnosis? This would explain the no meds, no collar - because they performed a minor procedure that wouldn't necessarily require all that. But because they didn't give her anti-biotics and a collar, Daisy was able to lick the incision and she either got an infection that way, or got a staph infection at her overnight stay at the vet, or because she was allergic to the sutures - although she had NO problems at all with any of the suture material used when she was fixed 4 years ago...

At any rate, I know that something was fishy about what happened at the Illinois vet, and I am so upset and angry about it. Not just that they defrauded us monetarily, but more that they have put this poor little dog, and the two of us through emotional, and in her case physical hell. We spent $500 on her "hernia surgery" and another $500 to clean up after it. Dr. Hatzi's nurse was really careful to go line by line and itemize all the expenses for her surgery yesterday to make sure that I understood exactly what they were charging me for, and showed me corresponding notes and the biopsy, etc. because I could tell she felt like I'd been taken to the cleaners by the Illinois vet and she wanted to make sure that I saw that this vet was on the up and up. They even knocked off a couple of smaller things to bring the overall bill down - because they felt badly about the fact that we were having to pay for the other vet's screw up.

The worst part of all of this is Daisy is a little scared of me. I have been the one who's taken her most often to the vet and it always results in pain for her, so she's now associating me with pain. Which SUCKS. She's clearly traumatized. Today she won't accept food from me, doesn't want me to touch her - she screams when I come near her - and she looks the other way when I look at her. If I walk towards her - she leaves the area. I have to carry her on the stairs to take her walks and she literally screams the entire time I'm carrying her in this high pitched loud squeal that makes everyone on the street look at me like I'm a dog abuser. That's bad, but what's worse is that I will have to spend a couple of weeks rebuilding my relationship and the trust between Daisy and me. That and her physical pain are the worst parts of this ridiculousness. She's a dog, she needs to be free from the collar, she needs to be active and happy and playful, and up until this ugly episode, she has been. This is a dark time for Daisy. It's a bit like a person suffering from depression. She's very low energy and low interest. I don't know how people with sick kids get through it. This is just horrible. The worst part is you can't explain anything to a dog. She doesn't know why all these things are happening to her - she's just suffering. She may not be human, but she's our baby. And we love her so... We just want her to be well.

Jes Has Cool Hair

2007-09-11T22:02:00.001-04:00

I'm kind of obsessed these days with "Rock of Love" on VH1. I know it's total trash tv, but it's really engaging and well done. And kind of hilarious. It's sort of like WWE wrestling - no one really believes that Bret Michaels is looking for real love on the show, nor that any of the girls really is that in to winning the undying love of a washed up 45 year old rocker who hasn't has a hit record in 15 years and wears more eyeliner than they do... But it's great to watch the ladies all bitch fight as if they really do.

Jes is my favorite girl. Because she has fabulous hair, a great attitude and is probably the only one who sort of gets the irony of the whole thing. Plus her commentary is incisive and always funny. And she's from Chicago. Chicago girls rule. She's got a great accent, too. And did I mention her hair? It's pink and platinum. She sometimes wears it up in a total punky rock faux hawk, and then sometimes smooths it down in a chic femme mullet. (I mean that in the best possible sense.) Anyway. Jes' hair is the bomb. If I were brave enough, I would totally do the same thing with my hair, but sub peacock green for the pink.

For the past several years, work and acting have prohibited me from having the hair that I really want to have. I've always wanted some pure rock and roll hair, but shows I was in, or jobs that I've held just weren't compatible with hair self-expression. I love hair color. I mean real color - red, blue, pink, green. And I love really artistic haircuts. Asymmetrical, choppy, severe - love 'em. But I've never really had one. So Jes is my hair super hero.

Recently, my friend Michael gave me a really awesome baby steps to rock and roll haircut. The front two inches of my hair is platinum, and the rest of my hair is darker blonde. It's noticeable, but not too radical. I love it. It's my own personal color statement that says "I'm a little unconventional, but not too much." And Michael gave me an asymmetrical bob. It's longer in the front than back, and longer on the left side than right. Just a little bit. Again, a little edgy, but not over the line. It's very cosmo. Again, I love it. I'm hoping that in the next year or so, my life will afford me enough freedom to take the next step to a really radical cut and color. But for now, I'm loving Jes' hair. And my own.

The Vacation is Burning! (Finally Some Relaxation!)

2007-08-27T15:02:00.000-04:00

August 7, 207. After a large lunch at Pickelman's Pantry, the 6 of us decided to spend the night in Grand Marais, MI, which is located on the shore of lovely and tumultuous Lake Superior. We got the two last rooms at a hotel called the North Shore Lodge. It had old brown shag carpet and 70's wood paneling on the walls, but each room had two double beds and the hotel is literally right on the beach. It also boasts an old crappy indoor pool and hot tub, all for a mere $80/night, so we were totally in white trash heaven. Every time Ryan and I have gone to his cabin, he's brought us all to this beach. It has a huge breaker wall that is perfect for diving on days that the Lake isn't boasting 8' plus waves. Last year Ryan and I literally body surfed on a small craft advisory day. The waves were at least 8' and it was deliriously fun, if not a little bit scary. This year the Lake was a bit calmer, but warmer. At least 65 degrees, which is WARM for Superior. Animae and Jay and Michael's dog Opus - a ridiculously adorable Beagle - were romping in the water with us and chasing each other up and down the beach at break neck speeds. The sun was high in the sky and everyone else was hanging out on the beach. A great morning. But, where to go after check out at 11am?

The previous year at the cabin, the generator went kaput and we had to get it fixed. We took it to this town called Curtis which was a few miles south of Newberry. Curtis is a great little vacation town. As I remembered it, it had two lakes. I kept saying "We should go to Curtis because it has TWO lakes!" all morning and pretty soon everyone thought Curtis sounded just fine. So, we were off to Curtis, which we found out actually has THREE lakes - North Manistique, Manistique and South Manistique. We stopped at the log cabin general store in town and picked up some supplies and they told us where to look for waterfront cottages for rent on Manistique Lake. The entire coast of the lake alternates between private homes and little cottage resorts. The Red Cross was housing many of the displaced evacuees and fire fighters at these cottages, so we had a hard time finding vacancy. Finally a woman who ran a place that was at full occupancy suggested a place called the Buckhorn Resort. She said it wasn't fancy, but it was reasonable, run by a really nice man and most likely had a vacancy. So we gave it a try.

Eureka! Due to a cancellation there was a 3 bedroom cottage with bath and kitchen and living room, new grill, deck and use of a fishing boat with trolling motor available for $78/night. Say what!? And Scott, who runs the place, was just the sweetest man imaginable. He went everywhere on the property in a golf cart and talked in a slow, "easy does it" manner. He recently lost his wife, and spent his days taking care of the property and fishing. He seemed genuinely happy to have us city folk and our crazy two dogs on the property. We booked it for 3 nights. Strangely enough, the cancellation on the cottage was due to the original booker having a heart attack, and the person he got to replace him had to have hip surgery. I hope both of those gents recovered, but I sure am glad we got the cottage. Finally, some relaxation! Jay and Michael and I blew up the floaties that Michael brought - all of us were practically passing out from light-headedness when Scott came up and said "I got a compressor that'd make that job a lot easier..." Hilarious. Then we set them afloat on Big Manistique Lake. That's pretty much all I had wanted to do since we arrived in the UP. Float with my friends and a Molson Canadian and a book on the warm lake under the hot sun. And it was divine...

I didn't leave the property for three days. We played charades at night, woke up late, made breakfast, read and played with the dogs, floated in the lake and made a wonderful grilled dinner every evening. We all talked and enjoyed each other's company. It was abbreviated, but we did get some actual vacation in with our friends without any disturbances. The fire kept raging north of us, we checked on it every day on the fire hotline, and Ryan was able to get permission to go back and lock up the cabin. We checked in with Daisy and my mom in IL. Her surgery went well on Friday morning and she would be able to go home on Sunday morning. Everything seemed to be going just fine. Our time was too short, but great, nonetheless.

Saturday morning, we reluctantly packed up our stuff, had a last lunch together at Pickelman's again, and said our sad goodbyes. Shelly was coming back to IL with us, and the Boston Boys decided to take the scenic route home, all the way through Canada. So, each car pulled out of the parking lot at Pickelman's, the boys heading east, and ours heading west. We were all a little tanner, a little more relaxed and a little sad to see our time up north come to an end.

The Vacation is Burning! (Run For Your Lives!!)

2007-08-25T14:49:00.001-04:00

August 6, 2007. Ryan's birthday. First thing that morning, Shelly called us to tell us that her flight to Detroit had been canceled. After about 20 minutes of us all freaking out, she was able to get a flight to Flint, MI later that afternoon. That was good. Flint is actually closer to the cabin than Detroit. Problem solved. We packed our stuff and Animae into the car, kissed Daisy, Grammi and Grandpa goodbye and headed off for MI. Somehow we managed to avoid Chicago Monday morning rush hour - maybe our luck was turning around!

About one hour south of Flint, while listening to NPR, we heard a local report that a huge forest fire was raging out of control in the UP. Uh-oh. In Luce County. UH-OH. 6 miles north of the town of Newberry. RUH-ROH, Scooby. Specifically along County Road 407... WHAT!? Short of giving specific GPS coordinates, that pretty much described EXACTLY where Ryan's cabin is located. So, Shelly was in flight, and Ben, Jay and Michael were in a car somewhere in Ontario on their way to MI and apparently the cabin was on fire. Ry and I spent the next 30 minutes trying to decide what to do, and what to tell our friends. Finally, we remembered we had the number of the lake resort across the 407 from the cabin. Ryan called there. They were still on their land and frankly seemed unconcerned about the whole fire thing, so we decided to just keep on truckin' and hope for the best. We picked up Shelly, got to Mackinaw City around 9pm and got some groceries, and headed over the bridge to the UP.

Around 11pm, we pulled into Newberry, MI. The air smelled like a huge campfire. Instantly, our hair, clothes and the inside of the car stunk of smoke. We stopped at the local Holiday gas station and the kid behind the counter told us that the fire was up to around 15,000 acres and he was sure we wouldn't be able to make it back to the cabin, especially at night (the pic above was taken from approximately where the gas station is, looking North). Several of the roads north of town had been shut down by the state police and DNR. We decided to try anyway. The road we were on was shut down going North, but we were able to turn onto 407. As we neared the cabin, the air actually cleared and the smoke was far less prevalent. This seemed hopeful. We got to the cabin - it was quiet and still, but all seemed well. Shelly and Ryan and I started unpacking the car and began the task of getting the cabin ready for living. Ryan's Uncle Bob lives in Newberry and spends a lot of his time living at the cabin. He's a pig. A complete and utter pig. His mess this year was particularly grand. I felt a little disheartened and Shelly, bless her, offered to work on the cabin while Ryan and I went to meet the Boston Boys in town to lead them back to the cabin.

We met the guys at the gas station in Newberry around midnight. They'd also talked to the gas station dude, and were a little concerned that we were possibly driving into our fiery deaths. We assured everyone it was ok and we all drove back to the 407. This time, just an hour later, the smoke had shifted and was pretty thick on the road. At one point, Michael said "There sure are a lot of bugs out tonight... Wait, that's ASH!" And he was right. Still we pushed on. When we all got to the cabin, we were all exhausted from hours and hours of road trip. We all stumbled around the property in the dark and looked at the lake. It was really low. The sky was really hazy. Definitely not like it usually is. But we were all really glad to be together, so we basically stayed up all night to celebrate Ry's birthday, and drink some of the duty free liquor Michael picked up at the Canadian border. We all fell asleep around daybreak, except for Ryan who took the opportunity to go fishing. Dude, when you love to fish, you love to fish...

About noon the next day, we all woke up to a large Chinook helicopter flying very low over the cabin. Within an hour, several helicopters and water planes had flown over, some with huge water and flame retardant buckets beneath. Michael, Jay and Ryan decided to head into town to get some more groceries and get the news on the fire. They left. Ben had coincidentally packed a book for the trip about forest fires, called "Fire!" by Sebastian Junger before he knew he was driving into one, and I perversely decided to curl up on my bunk and start reading it. Ben was reading another book on his bunk and Shelly took a dip in the lake. About 15 minutes later, I hear Michael's truck pull back in and hear Michael and Jay start yelling "We have to evacuate, pack everything, we have to get out NOW!" For a second I thought they were kidding, but then I realized there was no way they could have gotten to town and back in that amount of time, so they'd obviously been stopped on the way. By the time they got from the truck to the cabin, I'd gotten off the bunk and gotten dressed in like 20 seconds.

We all started grabbing things and throwing them into bags, suitcases, whatever we could find. Then I realized Ryan wasn't with Michael and Jay. They'd left him at the turn off into town because the cops there had tried to keep them from coming back to get us. Ryan had tried to explain the situation to get permission to come back and Michael and Jay had taken the "screw you" attitude and jumped back in the truck before they could be stopped by the authorities, who'd brilliantly asked them if they were the people who didn't speak English and had refused to leave their cabin when the evacuation order went out... Um, no. Apparently, the whole area had already been evacuated the evening before, and we'd cluelessly driven right into the evacuated area afterwards. And no one had known we were back there, because the cabin has no electricity, phone, etc. It's just simply not on the grid. As we packed, we noticed that planes were starting to buzz the cabin. One came in so low, it rattled the windows and sounded like it was going to crash into us. Obviously, they were trying to send us a message - one we'd been too thick to get earlier in the day, something like: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, IDIOTS!!"

The next 10 minutes are sort of a blur. We were all very on task, but scattered. For example, I was very clear about getting Animae and her bed and bag of food in the car, but forgot her bowls and leash. I also realized when Michael announced that his car was full and the rest would have to be packed in Ryan's car, that I was going to have to drive Ryan's car out of the fire zone. Then the "Where are his car keys?" panic set in until I found them. I ran up and down the path to the car about 52 times, constantly realizing something else I forgot - the last being my purse with all my money, ID and personal effects in it. I'd actually started the car and was driving away before I realized I didn't have it. At one point I was panicking about how to close and lock up the cabin, until I realized that if it burned, it really wouldn't matter whether the door was locked or not. And even if the cabin didn't burn, we were likely the only breathing human beings that weren't emergency workers for about a 4 mile square area. So off we sped, about 13 hours after arriving. Along the 407, we drove past fire fighters in their yellow suits and hard hats setting up the fire line. The only others on the road were state troopers and electric company workers cutting the power lines so that the transformers wouldn't blow, should the fire burn that far. As we drove to the turn off to Newberry, we saw a beet red Ryan walking in his flip flops toward us. Abandoned by Michael and Jay, he had attempted to WALK back to the cabin. He was a little upset. And sun burned. But back with the tribe. So, here we all were. Between us all, we'd traveled approximately 7,700 total miles to get to the cabin, considering Shelly's origination point was Honolulu. We'd encountered numerous setbacks, but darn it, we'd made it, and now, we were all displaced in the UP. Just great. As Michael said, "What's next, locusts?"

The Vacation is Burning! (Daisy Has a Hernia)

2007-08-24T19:05:00.001-04:00

August 3, 2007. Ryan and I slept in till late morning. Nice. Daisy had an appointment with the vet that afternoon. We had noticed a little lump in her bottom left mammary back in Dec. We took her to the vet in Astoria who told us it was probably just a fatty cyst and if it got any bigger, we should have it biopsied. I hadn't really liked the Astoria vet's casual attitude about it, so we decided to take Daisy to my mom's vet. Ry and I were going to visit Eddie that day, so mom volunteered to take Daisy to her appointment. Ry and I set off for Bloomington, IL and the Illinois Shakespeare Festival to see Eddie around 11:30am.

It's always weird to see an ex. I haven't seen most of mine since we broke up, but Eddie and I have made an effort to keep in touch. Over two years had passed since we'd seen each other. A couple of months ago, Eddie asked me to come see him at the Festival. He wanted to hang out with Ryan as well, which was cool of him, but also made the visit seem a little surreal. We got to Bloomington (my birthplace incidentally) around 1pm and decided to go to lunch. Ryan and I ordered a duck breast salad. Obviously we've lived in cities too long. We were both stunned when the salad came with deep-fried lumps of duck meat on top. Eddie had sort of warned us that we were brave when we'd ordered it...

Anyhoo, things were going along just fine when Ryan's cellphone rang. He excused himself from the table and came back looking a little, well, stressed. Apparently he'd gotten a call from my mom who very gaily (?) informed him that "Daisy has a hernia and needs surgery!" We finished lunch and got a cup of coffee with Eddie, but then we split in an effort to get to the vet before they closed to plan Daisy's hernia surgery. We had to cut our visit short, but I think Eddie and I might have been a little relieved, though. The first time you see an ex after a long time is a little strange. Hopefully next time will be more comfortable and without an emergency intervening...

Ryan and I booked it back to Sandwich, but missed the vet. On the upside, we thought we'd at least get another relaxing night on the barca-loungers, but my brother, called and wanted the two of us to join him and his girlfriend Wendy for dinner and bowling. Up until last year, my brother was the guy who was going to live in my parent's basement until he was 30 and never have a real job. Now he's out of the basement, owns a condo is Naperville, owns a Mercedes and he's still under 30. He lives with his super fashionable and hot girlfriend Wendy and their two dogs, Baby and Mocha, and is the No. 1 salesperson for Bebe in the country. Yes, that Bebe. And no, he's not gay. So, we headed to Naperville, and had a bitchin' good time with Jonathan and Wendy. I was kind of surprised when Jonathan wanted to go bowling, because he's not really the let's-play-a-game-that-requires-us-to-rent-shoes type. He's more of a Gucci loafers guy. The bowling alley was one of these new bowling alley/hipster lounges called Lucky Strike. They got 'em all over, I guess. We has such a good time, we were kind of surprised when they turned the ugly lights up and kicked us all out at 2am. We bowled until closing time. Good times!

The next day, we met with the vet who suggested Daisy get the surgery pretty quickly, as her hernia was pretty well ripped. We were supposed to drive up to MI on Monday, August 6, pick our friend Shelly up from the airport, and then head up to Ryan's cabin in the UP, but the vet could only fit the surgery in on the 8th or 10th. Either way, we'd have to drive all the way up to the UP only to turn around a few days later and leave our friends alone at the cabin. We called everyone to tell them, and pretty soon, they were all backing out. The guys didn't want to drive all the way from Boston for just 3 days of vacation, and Shelly was going to cancel her flight... Our vacation was turning into a disaster. Once again, Ma came to the rescue. She stepped in and volunteered to take Daisy in for the surgery on Friday and we would come home on Saturday when Daisy got back from the hospital - saving our vacation and giving Daisy a safe place to rest up for her surgery. I actually think Mom was pretty psyched about getting a week with her Granddog. She really needs a dog of her own. Or a grandkid. Or both.

We spent Saturday laying around recovering from our bowling night. Jonathan and Wendy brought Mocha! and Baby over to the parentals that night and we all got some pizza and watched a movie while all four dogs ran around like crazy. Then, Sunday night my parents took all of us out for Ryan's birthday dinner. We had a really nice meal and my dad was only slightly embarrassing. I had to keep reminding him to use his "inside voice." My dad enjoys making really bad jokes and then laughing heartily at them himself. It's pretty funny, actually, for all the wrong reasons. It was a really nice dinner, and I have to say, I'm really enjoying my family these days. It wasn't always easy growing up, but everyone seems to be in a pretty good place these days, for which I am very thankful. So, after a bit of a set back, we were ready to set sail on Monday morning for MI. Problems behind us... Right?

The Vacation is Burning! (The Road to IL)

2007-08-21T15:33:00.000-04:00

August 1, 2007. So, we slept in a few hours later than we'd planned, but we were up and moving by 9:30am - I mean it was our first day of vacation, right? We took care of our last minute business, packed the car and went to pick up Animae, our friends' dog, in Brooklyn at 11:30am. A mere 3 HOURS LATER we actually cleared the Lincoln Tunnel on the Jersey side. Another hour later we'd woven our way through the Jersey traffic and were finally on the open road at 3:30pm. About 4 hours later than we'd planned. We'd hoped to get around 700 miles into our nearly 1000 mile trip the first day, but it was becoming apparent that that wasn't likely to happen. Somewhere in the middle of PA, I became obsessed with getting as far as we could that night. I guess I felt the success of the entirety of our vacation depended on our progress that first day. Meanwhile, Animae, a Boston Terrier, starting making these amazing high-pitched squealing noises in the seat behind me. The dog was literally having multiple mini-breakdowns/freak-outs. Understandably so: she got removed from her house by some guy she only peripherally knows, and then shoved into a car with another dog who actively disliked her (bad Daisy!), and a woman she'd only met once before (me). Neither of her mommies were anywhere to be seen... You can see how that might upset a dog.

At around 5pm, we were listening to our XM radio and news of the Minneapolis I-35 bridge collapse hit the airwaves. Pretty maudlin stuff to be listening to on a cross country road trip... Made us VERY aware of every bridge we crossed. Finally, we stopped at a hotel outside of Columbus, Ohio at around 12:30am. We'd been in the car for 13 hours and we'd only managed to travel a little over 500 miles. We paid like $100 for a crappy Red Roof Inn motel room which had an air conditioner set to "meat locker," one less pillow on the bed than it should have, and we discovered we'd forgotten to pack our toothpaste. The only thing on tv was more of the bridge collapse. Animae started full on freaking out and whining and squeaking like she'd swallowed an actual squeak toy. Neither dog wanted to eat their food, but they both wanted to eat the other's food. All of us were hungry, cold, and sullen. Ryan was mad at me for pushing us on an extra hour and a half and making him miss "Rescue Me" which he'd planned on being his reward for a hard, long day of driving in insane traffic...

We spent the night shivering under a thin little blanket while Animae kept running over us on the bed incessantly. Ryan kept getting up to put her back in her bed and discovered that Daisy had taken over Animae's bed as a show of her alpha doginess. Neither of us got very good sleep and at 8:30am we were back up again and pushing on to IL. We stopped to get coffee and ended up throwing out 4 cups of coffee from two different places - apparently iced coffee in Ohio translates to: a sugary milk suckee with a splash of coffee. GROSS. Ryan and I got into a fight over throwing away an empty cup in a trash can in the parking lot of a Tim Horton's - uh, what? We got onto the road and didn't speak to each other for two hours (a first for us under any circumstances).

Around noon, the I-70 turned into a parking lot about 35 miles outside of Indianapolis, and more tragically, just one mile, ONE MILE!, from an exit with a Starbuck's. I decided to check the atlas for a possible alternative route and Ryan ventured to cut the silence by asking if there was another way. We used a police highway turnaround and drove back 18 miles to the previous exit that connected to a parallel smaller highway - great idea! That apparently every 18-wheeler in the vicinity also had... 2 hours later we'd crawled through about 5 little Indiana towns, each with a population of about 500, with our trucker convoy. Finally we found a Starbuck's and got a decent cup of joe and walked the dogs. It was hot and humid and turning to late afternoon. Again, on day two, we were extremely behind our projected travel time. But the coffee tasted good and the dogs started socializing. Ryan and I realized that this was our vacation, we were together, we had no obligations outside of caring for the cute puppers frolicking in the grass, and we were traveling to spend time with many of the people we love the most...

We got back on the road and decided to head to my parents. We called Eddie, who we'd planned on seeing that afternoon, and told him we'd see him the next day because the roads were conspiring against us. It took almost 5 hours to get from Columbus to Indianapolis (175 miles) and only 3 1/2 hours to get from Indianapolis to my parent's house (230 miles). It's always great to go home to mom. Especially when you have a Midwestern mom. They take momming seriously. Ryan always says my mom reminds him of Mrs. Poole from "The Hogan Family" (aka Grace, the Secretary from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"). I guess she sort of does. All I know, is as soon as we got there, I finally felt like our vacation had truly begun, and peace and relaxation followed.

For one night at least.

The Vacation is Burning! (Prologue)

2007-08-21T15:07:00.000-04:00

I've been AWOL for awhile, I know. My Aunt Margaret and a few others expressed a desire for more blogs, so after a summer off, I'm back, with a longish tale about our summer vacation. I'm going to split it into sections, and roll it out over the next few days as it's kind of a doozy. So, today I give you: "The Vacation is Burning! (Prologue)."

As some of you may know, since we've been together, Ry and I have taken a yearly vacation to his family's cabin in the UP of Michigan. It's always a good time - quiet, serene - a place and time to let the rush and bustle of the city drift away and reconnect with nature and each other. We take Daisy and let her off the leash. We swim, play cards, listen to country music on the radio. Ryan fishes. We grill and read books. That's about it. On these trips, we also make time to see each other's families. Everyone lives in the Midwest, so we try and see as many people as we can over a two week period, which means we get to drive the circle tour around the Great Lakes region each year. There's only so much time, and there are always people we want to see but miss. It's a lot to fit into two weeks, but we give it our best shot.

This year, we planned our vacation as such: we would leave NYC on August 1st, picking up our friends' dog, Animae, in Brooklyn on the way out of the city and make it half way to IL that day. Our plan was to get to a hotel in time to watch "Rescue Me" that night. Then we'd push on to IL the next morning, see my friend/ex Eddie at the Illinois Shakespeare Festival, then get to my mom's late the night of the 2nd. We'd planned to stay with the parentals and see some family over the next 4 days, and then drive the morning of the 6th to MI to pick up our friend Shelly from the airport in Detroit. Then the three of us would drive to the cabin, arriving early that evening (Ryan's Birthday, actually), where we'd meet up with our friends Ben, Jay and Michael who were driving from Boston to spend the week at the cabin with us. We all were to spend a relaxing week at the cabin, with Ryan and I taking a day or two to visit with his sister, brother-in-law and nephew who were also up in the UP on vacation that week, then I'd hitch a ride home to NYC with the Boston boys on the 12th and be back at work on the 14th. Ryan would stay another week in MI with Shelly, and spend a few more days with his family, including his dad, and then drop Shelly off at the airport, and come home alone with Animae on the 18th. This way we'd get to see just about everybody. Easy Shmeasy, right? Well, let's just say pretty much NOTHING happened as we planned. I'm going to break this thing down into 4 parts: The Road to IL, Daisy has a Hernia, Run for Your Lives, Finally Some Relaxation! Hope you enjoy it!

BAM Good!

2007-04-12T13:52:00.000-04:00

So, like at least 80% of artistically inclined New Yorkers, I wait tables part time to pay the bills. It makes sense, because it takes a minimum of your time and provides maximum money. By that, I mean you can live on it. Even in New York, because like everything else in New York, eating out is horribly expensive, which means bigger tips. I'm not saying you can raise a family of 4 and own property on a wait staff salary, but you can keep the lights on, keep food in your belly and pay the rent on time. I work for a cafe at the Asia Society Museum on Park Avenue on the Upper East Side. It's lunch only, but I still make more than I've ever made anywhere else waiting tables. And it's pretty easy. Lots of support staff, cool management (see Bobby Miranda, I told you I'd mention you in my blog!), a great menu, nice clientele - UES ladies who lunch, museum patrons, Asia Society staff, neighborhood locals and of course, tourists - but the type who come to NY to see Sasanian Art, as opposed to the type who want to find the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company... Anyhoo, it's a good job, in a beautiful environment - our cafe is a glassed atrium designed to be an Asian meditation garden, complete with live trees growing inside - and I average 22 hours a week which pays my bills and leaves me time to pursue the other slashes that I do.

The company that runs my cafe is called Great Performances. They also run several other high-end museum/art/cultural center cafes in NYC. Our sister cafe is at BAM - the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Our cafe is only open from 11-4 and BAMcafe is only open from 5-8, so sometimes, our staffs will pick up shifts for each other when needed. My first shift at BAM was last night. If you're going to see a performance at BAM, you should definitely check out the cafe beforehand. It's got a full bar and full dinner service served in the Gillman Opera House lobby, which is gorgeous! The menu is yummy, the wine list is great, and obviously the service is fantastic. The craziest thing about it is, as a server, you get there at 4pm, eat a staff meal, and then you set up the space. By 5pm the cafe opens... And no one comes in. I had one person from 5-6pm. The other waiters kept telling me, "Just wait until 6pm!" At 5 till 6pm, I got another table. I took their order and entered it into the system. When I turned around, I had 4 more tables. At the same time. Then my other 3 tables got sat, and at 6:10pm I had a full section who all wanted to order at the same time, get drinks at the same time, get their food at the same time, get dessert and coffee at the same time, and pay their checks at the same time. It was like serving one big table with 22 people at it. CRAZY! And suddenly, it was 7:25pm, the bells were ringing to let people know that it was almost curtain for their shows, and magically, everyone got up and left. 7:30pm - it was over. Another 30 minutes of settling up the cash and checks and by 8pm, shift over, out the door and on the train! And I made pretty good money, too, since the average check was over $100 (drinks, appetizers, dinner and dessert/coffee). WOW.

This is another thing that amazes me about New York. People eat out all the time. In my previous "Happy Passover" post I mentioned that no one, not even the rich, have functional kitchens. And people pay a lot of money to eat out. The company I work for is particularly good at installing semi-permanent food venues in convertible spaces. Sort of a hybrid between catering and restaurant food service. They find a needed niche and really exploit it - and I mean exploit in the nicest of terms. I mean, I'm grateful for it - I made an average of $50/hour last night and was home before 9pm! You can't beat that.

Now, I don't want to wait tables forever, it's hard work. Lots of running, lots of details - people get pretty picky about their food... But this city has a lot of really unique ways to earn money. It's just another example of New York's possibilities. Which opens up time to explore all those other NY possibilities! Like taking a class, auditioning, writing a screenplay, running your own business... Crap, I gotta wrap this up, I've got a lot of stuff to do today!

Movie Magic!

2007-04-09T13:29:00.000-04:00

While I worked Easter Brunch yesterday, Ryan and our friend/collaborator/DP/business partner Renzo Spirit Buffalo shot the final shots of Ryan's short film, "Billy." Ryan conceived of, wrote, stars in and produced the short. I helped him brainstorm about it, held a boom, schlepped a few bags and produced, largely in name only. This was definitely Ryan's labor of love. Our friend Larry Tobias appears in it in an HILARIOUS turn, and he helped shoot the inside shots. Ryan's friend Elizabeth Durham also appears in it, and is wonderful. The whole thing cost about $600, but it looks like a million damn dollars. It's a simple story, well told by good actors and a DP who made every single outside shot look like it was shot on a $250,000 camera. It doesn't hurt that Renzo has shot big studio feature movies on $250,000 cameras before...

Anyway, all that's left to do now is post-production: editing, music, titles. The stuff Ryan does at work every day. I think he'll probably have a rough edit within a couple of weeks! His first movie. Our production company's first personal project! As Ryan said at our wrap dinner celebration last night - "My whole life I've dreamed of making my own movie, and now I've done it!" I'm SO proud of him. He had an inspiration for a character about 4 months ago, and now he has his first short film shot and ready for editing. He believed in it and made it happen: on his days off, after long days at work, before long days at work - whenever he could steal some time. He borrowed cameras, rented equipment, got friends excited and involved in the project. He schlepped all around the city, asked for favors, bartered trades. Whatever it took, he made it happen. The power of the creative spirit and the determined will. There's still a lot of work left to do, but the hardest part has been completed, the rest is just lovingly laying it out on a timeline and letting it tell its story. And then, of course, marketing the hell out of it. Creativity meets the real world! As the movie progresses, I will document it here!

Happy Passover

2007-04-03T17:49:00.000-04:00

About twice a month, I work for a nice little catering company called 2 Peas and a Pot. It's run by two chefs, Lauren and Phil, who also happen to be a couple. They are really cool and fun to work for and we always have a good time at the dinner and cocktail parties that they cater for their upscale Manhattan clientele. Some of the clients are crazy - after all, it's Manhattan, and the clients all have money. Some of them have money and no manners, or money and no taste. For example, a Rockefeller (yes, as in THE Rockefellers) didn't tip the waitstaff, nor did the philanthropic widow with 15 Matisses adorning her 5th Avenue apartment's dining room wall. Nice. Other clients are low-key, fun and fabulous. You just never know who you'll be working for. It's also cool to see the inside of luxury multi-million dollar Manhattan apartments. No matter how large and lavish the apartment, the number one most common denominator in all these places is that every one of them has a small, inconveniently laid out kitchen - proof that no one in Manhattan cooks.

Last night, I worked a Passover Seder for a family in Soho. Their apartment takes up an entire floor of their building. I've worked for them before. The husband is either a partner at a large legal firm, or a high-powered investment banker. Don't know, really. He's a cypher. He completely ignores the "non-essential" people - I don't know that he's ever said anything to me besides, "I'll have a gin and tonic." Otherwise, he looks through me like I'm invisible. It's a little disconcerting, but I treat him the same way, so it's fine. The wife is a former speech writer for the Clinton administration turned Manhattan housewife, complete with the late-fertility child accessory, pill addiction and laundry list of philanthropic events and parties she participates in. I wouldn't say that she's horrible, but I wouldn't call her nice, either.

Anyway, the chefs were not working last night, they had their own family Seder to attend, so they prepped the meal and dropped it off, and it was my job to basically do the final food prep and serve it with another waiter. The plan was, we would arrive at 4pm to begin food prep, guests would arrive at 5pm for an hour of hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, and then dinner would be served buffet style at 6pm. At 4:30pm Natalie, the other waiter, and I had been standing in front of the building for 30 minutes when the nanny returned home with the child and kind of casually asked us if we were the help for the night, and let us in. The hostess didn't arrive home until 4:45pm. The first guests started arriving early at 4:50pm, asking for food, which wasn't ready yet, and drinks which hadn't been delivered from the market yet. The dinner was supposed to be for 15, and I immediately noticed that the table was set for 20. Right off the bat we are short on food, and late on prep - non of which was our fault. What a mess.

Around 5pm, the hostess announced to Natalie and I, "I hope this won't be a problem, I hate to even mention this because people just get so weird around celebrities, but we will be having celebrity guests tonight - Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts. Please just be yourselves and don't gawk." Coincidentally, I've already worked a party where Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts were in attendance. This is New York and I cater waiter, lady. I've seen it all. I've seen Victoria Secret models doing blow and throwing up in 23rd Street Armory bathroom, ok? The hostess went on to say, "I really feel that the famous should just stay in their own circle, but they're my husband's clients and they have no Seder to go to on Passover, so I HAD to invite them, I couldn't turn them away..." How gracious of her.

As expected, all anyone talked about after the celeb couple arrived was them. Naomi had no makeup on, had her hair pulled back in a ratty unwashed ponytail, and looked really cute, but normal, by the by. Liev hadn't shaved. In days. Frankly, they both looked like they'd rolled out of bed late that afternoon just in time to make dinner. They brought cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery for dessert. Naomi had to use the bathroom like 5 times - she's in her second trimester of pregnancy. Liev asked me for horseradish and when I found it for him, he was thrilled. I think it may have been his favorite moment of the whole meal. It was pretty surreal to be standing in someone's tiny kitchen and have a film actor of international renown come in and ask you for a paper towel because he'd dropped a glass of water on the rug in the living room. By the by, Natalie and I were the only people at the party who didn't gawk at them, and Liev and Naomi were hands down the most down to earth, gracious guests at the party. The hostess, who was so concerned about "the help's" reactions to being in the company of greatness, proceeded to put on a three hour show while they were there - playing adoring, gracious hostess-with-the-mostest, and Manhattan Power Wife. It was pretty hilarious. She even made her kid sing for them. I'm sure she spent all day today telling EVERYONE she knows how she had Liev and Naomi over for Passover, and pretending that it was a real hassle to have them show up. Whatever. She ate it up like kugel.

My Worst Nightmare

2007-03-26T13:52:00.000-04:00

Just read this little number from the NY Times. It's the second item in the article. Rats on trains - the classic combination of one of the best things about NYC and the absolute dreaded worst aspect of NYC. (See my previous post on "Trains" for more rat/train action.)

Real Estate

2007-03-18T23:29:00.000-04:00

I'm obsessed with real estate right now. I've been living in apartments for a very long time, moving from place to place, and always imagining what I WOULD do with the apartment if it were mine. Take out a wall here, paint the room a bright not-even-close-to antique white color, put some new flooring in, etc. All things I can't actually do as a renter. Right now I'm dying to put down a white laminated wood floor and take out a door in our current apartment. Not going to do it, but I'm sure I'll obsess over it the whole time we live here.

In the last apartment - the UES apartment - we had to do about $750 in improvements just to tolerate it. It was a horrible place. The floors were 2 inches lower towards the middle of the building, so everything ran down hill. The kitchen floor had vinyl flooring held down with DUCT TAPE, over a lumpy, uneven tile removal. We scrubbed the crap out of it and put rugs over it so we never had to look at it again. The bathroom floor tile was so disgusting, I covered it with press 'em tiles so I'd also never have to look at it again. We scrubbed until our skin cracked and bled, and what still wouldn't come clean, we painted over, including the pepto-abysmal pink bedroom and kitchen - ??? We used paint as a cleaning agent, caulking agent and repairing agent. The kitchen cabinets and countertop were starting to sink toward the middle and due to numerous leaks in the 100 year old pipes, they were starting to rot a little, too. It was a total rathole (somewhat too literally - the week before we moved out I found two rodents fighting over the garbage in the kitchen - eww!). It was the only apartment that I imagined torching for the insurance money if I owned it, and our rent was $600 more than the American median mortgage payment. Gack!

Our Astoria apartment is pure Grandma retro. Wood panelling, for reals. But it's really clean, has pretty good light and everything works. It's rodent free and the rent is cheap. It may not look as good superficially as the last one did after our ghetto rehab, but it's a million times more solid underneath. But it's not ours and never will be. We're priced out of Astoria already, which stinks. So, I keep web searching for what we can afford. It's amazing how many neighborhoods in NY we can't. The entire island of Manhattan, for instance. Conversely, we can afford half the apartments in the Bronx, none of which we want. There are only about 4 nabes left in Brooklyn in our price range: Sunset Park, Sheepshead Bay, Brighton Beach and Bay Ridge. Great water views, but WAY out there. We'll probably stay here in Queens because there are a lot of neighborhoods we can afford here, and many of them are actually less than a day's long commute to the city. I exaggerate, but seriously. Bay Ridge?!? You need a passport to get there, don't you?

The NY Times has a great real estate section online - you can look at all the pictures. Ryan made me stop looking at it and come to bed around 2am on Friday night. Like I said I'm obsessed. I can tell you exactly what $240,000 will buy you in Jackson Heights, Sunnyside, Woodside, Flushing, Corona, Bayside, Forest Hills, and all of the above mentioned Brooklyn nabes. Some of them, not much. Others a lot. I'm ready for a piece of the American dream. Even if it comes in a 550 sq. ft. package. At least it'll be mine. And I'll be able to paint it whatever color I want. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a place called Sunnyside??